Friday, August 08, 2008

What or who is a Swede?

I just thought of sharing this with you guys.Anyway i have my own reservations about this but i think the person that wrote this had really good points. I will update it later with what i think is Swedish. You can get an image of how the majority Swedish people are and do not forget to always take a queue in what ever place you need a service,shops etc . Its always first come first served in Sweden."Just stand on the line or take a number and wait. Isn't that nice?

A Swede is tall, blond, blue-eyed, and wears a woolly hat in the winter. By nature he is shy, reserved, serious, industrious, and finds it hard to laugh at himself. He is also a creature of habit and every morning gets up at 5.30 to give himself enough time to read the morning newspaper before going to work. Since work does not usually start until 8 o’clock, this can only imply that a Swede is also a slow reader.

Apart from himself, his chief interests are money, his job, his home, ice-hockey, and his family (in that order). He also loves animals – especially dogs – and spends hours cycling through the town dragging a huge and ferocious German Shepherd behind him on a leash.

A Swede is usually punctual, honest, reliable, clean, has his own teeth, and is law-abiding. Evidence of the latter is particularly noticeable at pedestrian crossings. No matter what the weather is like, a Swede would rather get soaked to the skin than cross an empty street when a red light is showing. Similarly, he always wears a seat belt, never drinks and drives, always has a television licence, usually hands in his tax-return on time, invariably has a plastic bag in his pocket when he walks his dog, and never has a bath after 10 o’clock.

A Swede is also very cautious and rarely does anything on impulse (except perhaps sneeze). To him, all decisions are a matter of life and death. Take a simple matter like buying cheese, for example. A Swede may try at least ten different sorts of cheeses before finally deciding to buy twenty grammes of Brie. It is the same sense of caution that prevents him from plunging into marriage straight away. Instead, he lives with a woman first, has one or two children, then – if all seems well – asks her to marry him.

With reference to marriage, a Swede is quite unlike most European men. Anything a housewife can do, he can do better – from cooking to sewing on buttons. In fact, everything in the home (apart from breast-feeding) is shared.

A Swede also likes to think he is well informed and spends hours finding out all he can about such things as nuclear power, the Third World, pollution, South Africa, the sexual habits of the centipede, etc. while at the same time paying little attention to unimportant matters - such as the name of his neighbor or whether certain types of beer should be banned or not.

Most Swedes as fanatics when it comes to keeping fit and regularly spend their weekends running through the nearest forest or cycling for hours in the cellar on a bicycle fixed to the floor. With his health in mind, he has also given up smoking, sugar, drinking coffee in the evenings, going to bed after 10 o’clock, and mixing with strangers.

But perhaps the greatest thing about a Swede is his sense of equality – of everyone being the same as everyone else. To help this, most Swedes have the same surnames – Svensson, Nilsson, or Persson – earn the same amount of money after tax, have the same taste in furniture, dress alike, think alike, drive a Volvo, and go to Majorca or Kreta in the summer.

A Swede also refuses to admit that he is prejudiced in any way. To him, all foreigners are just the same as Swedes and, although he doesn’t actually have any Jugoslavian, Greek, Turkish, Polish, Italian, Finnish or Czechoslovakian friends, he is certain there is very little difference between them and Swedes – apart from their names, their customs, the way they grow vegetables in the kitchen, the fact that they carry knives, rob banks, live on social security, pinch their jobs, breed like rabbits, beat their wives, and speak Swedish like someone with a gobstopper in his mouth.

Finally, a Swede loves the sun, hates queuing, gets a kick out of being first on the bus, detests winter, enjoys sex, can’t stand gypsies, believes what the National Social Board of Health and Welfare tells him, doesn’t believe in God, worships Ingemar Stenmark, only gets drunk when he drinks, is patriotic (wears Swedish flag underwear), visits the off-licence twice a week, visits his parents at Christmas, goes to English classes, and, inevitably, is deeply offended by an article such as this.

(Found in the computer lab in Umeå.)


Anonymous said...

It is really unfair to make general accusations against certain nationalities and blame them for violence. But
since you decide to do so, I would say that the main problems today in Sweden are immigrants from Africa. They burn down schools and rape women.

Anonymous said...

Ngala Talla said...

Your opinion counts.I live in sweden and love Sweden

Anonymous said...

My comments referred to the author of the text trying to explain who the Swedes are and his prejudges about Yugoslavians, Greeks, Turks, Polish … I do not have any prejudges based on racial, national on any other base. My comment on African immigrants in Sweden is not consequence of my true beliefs. The idea was to show that even quoting someone whom spreads such ideas could trigger the same reaction (thou you wrote that you have you own reservations about his view), and from there on anything is possible. Anyway, I am thinking of moving to Sweden and would like to thank you for you effort to bring the story about living in Sweden closer to us. Best of luck to you and you family

bathmate said...

This is wonderful posting. Thank you.


Anonymous said...

This article is fantastic (and hilarious)! The author has made several astute observations. As a foreigner living in Sweden, I couldn't agree more with the majority of his observations. He should re-think his career as an IT guy and ponder the idea of becoming a comedian. The ability to find humour in the inane is what makes a great comic.
Seriously, it's all in the delivery. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Very good sense of humor. This article needs to be seen not through a 'serious mind' lens but through a 'witty' one. You should design a software that can assist writers (who write comic articles)!

Jenny said...

This is hilarious! True but still not true .... It fits on all us Swedes...!

Ngala T. said...

Thanks for your words,Jenny. Its true and still not true as you say . We are individuals in life no matter if you are a Swed or not.